Making brands more distinctive

Tea is our national drink. I think we are only second in the world (after Ireland) of consumption per capita. So we’ve got silver in the tea drinking competition. Not bad going. Maybe extra funding is required so we can go for gold.

We’re also epically great at being inventive engineers and designers. From Stephenson’s first train to Brunel, Dyson trumping Hoover to that that geezer who invented the internet (What! How’d he do that? Secretly install wifi in his neighbour’s house so he could send emails to himself?)

However Britain, you’ve let me down. When you combine our national plant based drink with our invention of the railway you’d think we come out on top. But we sadly fail to deliver. It’s not the taste or the plastic cup or the lukewarm water. It’s the teabag.

When your foam cup of tepid water is delivered to you at your seat, teabag in situ, the tea bag is naturally left in the cup to percolate or “brew”. We all know this, its basic British citizenship stuff. I think its question three on the immigration test.

Eventually then the teabag has to be removed otherwise the tea will start out pleasantly refreshing but eventually get so strong that it will varnish your tongue.

But there’s nowhere to remove the teabag to! If you remove the lid from your over-engineered tea receptacle to use as a little saucer you’re in danger of spillage and poaching your nads when the train goes over an unexpected bump. The single-ply tissue supplied can’t seriously cope with the volume of liquid exuded from the teabag as no teaspoon is provided to squeeze the little bugger dry. I have, in vain, tried to use the plastic stirrer to press the tea bag against the side of the cup but it had the same  level of frustration as chasing the last pickled onion ‘round an empty jar with a fork. You’re still left with a damp, if not soaking, teabag to contend with.

The only other option is to leave the teabag in so you’re basically DRINKING FROM A TEAPOT. This quite frankly is not only odd but not the British way. Brunel would be very disappointed that we as a nation have been reduced to such compromises.

Inventers of Britain now is the time to step up to the mark.